No matter how many times it happens, it never gets easier.
Rejection. It’s hard. Duh.
Any writer will tell you that.
You see a response from a query to an agent or publisher in your inbox. Your heart starts to beat so hard it becomes a vibration in your chest. An internal earthquake of anticipation.
You pause. It’s that moment. You want to open the email and read it. But you also don’t. You’ve been living in the limbo of hope for weeks or months and prolonging it means a few more seconds where it might be a yes. A few more seconds where future you might leap with joy and run upstairs to tell your family “someone liked it!”
But, it’s a no. It’s almost always a no. And no amount of people telling you “So and so famous writer got rejected 50 times” will help.
It’s a no. It’s a rejection. It’s soul crushing. Every. Time.
Next comes the dizzy swirl of self-doubt, which feels a lot like crying without tears. Its heavy weight wraps around your ankles, shackles you thought you’d shaken off from years of rejection. You haven’t. You just got really good at ignoring them.
It’s those old fears telling you, you’re not good enough. That encouragement you got from your parents and professors was a fluke. Everyone’s parents love their children’s writing. The writing contest you won must have been because they had very poor submissions. That first book you wrote, which some obviously temporarily insane publisher liked, sold terribly. What more proof do you need?
Here is the additional unnecessary proof: You’ve just read the wonderful Pulitzer Winning book, Less, and your writing seems like Kindergarten scribbles on construction paper by comparison.
No wonder you got rejected again.
Rejection is hard. Duh.
And how long will it take for the shackles to turn invisible again? For the tightness in your throat trying to squeeze out tears to leave?
How long will it take before every word you write doesn’t seem like a cosmic joke you’re not in on? Before you stop wondering “why do I bother?”
Sometimes hours. Sometimes days. Sometimes more.
But it does fade. And you try again. Because you’re a writer. It’s what you do. You open up that notebook and you write.
Not doing it, would be like not breathing.
July 20, 2018 at 10:16 am
Reblogged this on The blog of Songa Achille and commented:
hhh, really? It’s hard.
LikeLiked by 1 person
July 20, 2018 at 11:24 am
It’s funny you posted this today as I got a rejection from an agent today!
I don’t feel as bad as I usually do, I suppose because I still have hope that another agent who requested the full manuscript will say yes. That was almost 2 months ago, so my hope is dwindling but I’m trying to stay positive. If that comes back as a no, it really will be soul-crushing!
You have described the feelings of a rejected writer perfectly.
LikeLiked by 1 person
July 20, 2018 at 12:26 pm
I will be keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you!! It definitely feels like voluntarily putting yourself in a boxing right w/o any pads against a giant most of the time! 🙂 I really hope the agent says yes! We need a show called say Yes to the Manuscript! 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
July 20, 2018 at 12:45 pm
Thank you :-).
That show would be brilliant!
LikeLiked by 1 person
July 21, 2018 at 6:43 am
Rejections suck. We feel like we have been kicked and have to summon courage to stand up and try again. Tim Ferriss in one of his podcasts talks about how he attempts to get rejected as much as possible during a day, every day. He goes to a cafe and asks for a discount – not cause he needs it but because he wants to hear no. He asks lots of silly requests and 99% of the time he hears NO. That apparently helps him building a rejection resilience. 😊 I haven’t got that far yet and honestly don’t know if I ever will… but being rejected quite often helps me cope slightly better with rejection in general even though it still sucks a lot at times. Thinking of you! 💕
LikeLiked by 3 people
July 22, 2018 at 9:17 pm
That is definitely a unique way to deal with building up a tolerance to rejection. 🙂 I think I need to listen to that podcast. It is nice to know I’m not alone in the rejection world. Misery loves company? 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
July 23, 2018 at 3:26 am
He does some weird stuff – like lies down on a public cafe’s floor and let’s other judge him for that… that apparently builds his resilience… ehm, I did not get that far yet! 🙈😂 Exposing myself to rejection every day is bad enough for me, rolling around public floors is another level… 😂😂😂
Yes, misery does love company! 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
August 22, 2018 at 2:39 am
Wonderful article! I finally realized what I would like to do and it’s to write. I feel so behind in many ways when it comes to this cause I feel like I realized this many years after so many others realized what they wanted to do earlier on. I began writing my blog as a start for now, and hopefully figure out the world of freelance writing at some point.
LikeLiked by 2 people
August 22, 2018 at 9:43 am
It sounds corny, but it’s never to late to start writing! And even when it’s frustrating, it’s also rewarding. I wish you the best of luck!!! What kind of freelance writing do you want to do?
LikeLiked by 1 person