My husband says my blog posts whip drastically into two extreme directions – happy fun blogs (usually somehow related to books, writing, stories or the arts) and dire “what is wrong with America” blogs.

It’s a fair and accurate assessment. My blogs are a reflection of me, obviously, and my current emotional state. And that state is one of giant swings between how I want to feel and not being able to ignore what’s happening.

Generally, I am a person who tends toward a glass half full outlook of the world. Usually, I get up in the morning or I lay in bed at night and think of happy things, like interesting book ideas, things to do in the future or I ponder the meaning of life. If you embody my natural state in a drawing, it would look something like this.

happy-unicorn-rainbow

But I see that natural state less and less these days. Particularly, on days where something like this happens, where the US president puts forth a budget to completely cut off major arts programs, programs to help workers struggling in Appalachia and Meals on Wheels, to name just a few.

(Seriously, how heartless can you be? No manner of rationalizing that this somehow helps a working mom in Nebraska because she gets to pay $3 less in taxes each year is going to make this OK. And it’s not just the beneficiaries of these programs. Thousands of people will likely loose their jobs if these cuts happen. Aren’t they Americans too?)

On these days, this picture is closer to how I’m feeling.

angry unicorn.png

Or on days when something like this happens, where a man is murdered in Kansas because of the color of his skin, on the heels of a shooting in Canada, I think of the families of those people who were robbed of their loved ones because of hate and I feel like this:

sad unicorn.gif

And then I think about how both incidents had little to no press coverage in the US, nor outcry from the general public, nor condemnation from the executive branch of the US. However, if the tables were turned and someone labeled an “immigrant” hurt or killed white people, there would be no limit to the twitter storm coming out of the White House. Then I start to feel like this…

super angry unicorn.jpg

And then this…

im-scared-too

On these days, which are more frequent than I’d like, I can’t keep quiet about it, just like the song said. (If you haven’t heard this amazing anthem first performed at the Women’s March by MILCK and the #ican’tkeepquiet choir, take a listen. It’s worth it. Or check out the live version from the march here.) #persist

i can't keep quiet.png

If the world were pre-November 8, my blogs would probably always be the happy unicorn blogs. But it’s not. It’s changed, quickly, drastically and horribly. I want to think good thoughts. But, unfortunately, there is nothing natural or good about what is happening in America.

I had a conversation with a friend of mine, who is Muslim, recently and she said that when she walks down the street all she can think is that person passing by her probably hates her. And, so, it makes her want to hate them back. But, because she is kind and goodhearted, she can’t. Not everyone is that evolved. THAT is what we’re doing to this country. We’re not making America safe or great. We’re making it hate.

So, yes, as long as we continue on this destructive path. As long as there are people who continue to ignore or promote these terrible policies, my blogs will probably continue to swing back and forth like they have some sort of emotional disorder because my blog is not just a reflection of me, in a way, it’s also a reflection of our country – split, divided and hurting. I think that means this whiplash is going to continue for a long time because I won’t keep quiet, not anymore.

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